Dec 10, 2018
10 Ways to Support Your Child’s Happy, Healthy Life; Experts say the most important job you have as a parent is to show your children how to live a fulfilling, happy life. Nothing is more powerful than the behavior blueprint you give your kids to live their best life. Children closely mimic what they see from parents. As we teach parents more and more of using the social media applications, there are some things that we may miss out on. Elderly parents who are loving the smartphone technology, can make some mistakes with the curiosity. So we give you some basic things that we need to keep in mind whenever we give them the little lessons of using the technology. To teach a child to be happy, you need to experience this feeling yourself. Up to 7 years old the child is emotionally attached to the mother by 90%, till the age of 14 he continues to feel this connection by 40%. But anyway, the child tries to copy the sensations and behavior of the parents.
Parental Happiness
In this Q&A, Allison Gilbert, Senior Writer for the Center for Parent and Teen Communication, has a wide-ranging conversation with KJ Dell’Antonia, author of How to Be a Happier Parent: Raising a Family, Having a Life, and Loving (Almost) Every Minute. For five years, Dell’Antonia wrote and edited The New York Times’ popular parenting blog, the Motherlode, and after that, she became a contributing editor to Well Family. Dell’Antonia lives in New Hampshire with her husband and four children, ages 12-17. We’re thrilled she joined us for this meaningful discussion, and we’re excited to share her strategies for bringing more joy into our daily lives as parents.
Allison Gilbert: In the beginning of your book, you reveal “Ten mantras for happier parents.” The first one, “What you want now isn’t always what you want later,” reflects one of our core messages here at the Center for Parent and Teen Communication: Raise teens as the 35, 40, 50-year olds you hope they become. Can you explain what you mean by your first mantra?
KJ Dell’Antonia: Parental happiness almost never comes from immediate gratification. Meaning, what you want now may be for your teen to just pick the towel off the bathroom floor, but what you want later is a child who knows you can’t leave a wet towel on the bathroom floor, or who is helpful, or who understands he or she needs to contribute to the workings of the household.
What I have found is that parental happiness comes from a sense of efficacy, a sense that you’re pretty good at this thing called raising children. And that’s why happiness doesn’t come from letting your child off from doing chores, even though in the moment it will make your life easier just to do them yourself. We know that’s not right. We know something’s out of whack.
AG: You actually devote an entire chapter explaining that jobs around the house aren’t “chores,” they’re “life skills.” Is that just semantics? How do these life skills actually build character in the longer term?
KJD: Children shouldn’t feel that fairies come and do the dishes. That won’t go over well when they’re in college and have roommates. You don’t want to raise somebody who can sit and watch other people work. That’s not a skill that’s going to get them very far. In essence, you’re protecting their still-to-come adult relationships. And you’re giving them a sense they’re part of something bigger than themselves, giving them a sense of meaning and mattering.
AG: Many people view adolescence as a time of turbulence and stress. But, you seem to hold your children to high expectations, and approach parenting as a time of opportunity and yes…fun! How does this mindset impact your own happiness and your relationship with your children?
KJD: Mindset is huge. You can make anything into a burden, a chore, or a job. This doesn’t have to be the case. One of the ways I embrace happiness is with one of my other mantras, “You don’t have to go in there.” This mantra is life-changing. It’s my way of reminding myself that I don’t have to mirror my family’s every mood.
AG: A primary argument in your book is the importance of seeing the big picture – letting your son forget his homework, allowing your daughter to submit an essay with typos. Why shouldn’t parents make it their mission to ensure their children succeed whenever possible? What’s the value in letting children make mistakes?
KJD: I often ask parents what stories they tell about their childhoods. Parents generally want to talk about the times they triumphed, the times things were hard and they made them OK. You don’t want to raise a child who has never been unhappy, or who has never faced challenge that a parent hasn’t smoothed over. You want your children to be happy, but you also want them to learn and grow and change and evolve and become adults. If children are allowed to fail (and recover) they begin thinking of themselves as people who can. We want our children to have grit and they gain that sense of grit when they make things go right when things have been going wrong.
AG: In Chapter 7, you interview Dr. Ken Ginsburg, founder and director of programs here at the Center for Parent and Teen Communication, about discipline. What is effective discipline and how does it shape a teen’s growth?
KJD: Discipline isn’t just that one moment when we lay down a punishment or enforce a rule. Discipline is actually all the teaching that goes into that moment – all the teaching you’ve ever done about what would be the right thing to do — all the living, all the demonstrating, all the modeling of appropriate behavior over time.
When your child needs to be corrected, though, talking about how he or she could have made better choices will contribute to their long-term growth. This approach also makes it more likely that you’ll become someone your child wants to talk to.
However, I do think there are moments when the ‘ton of bricks’ reaction is good, although it needs to be rare. Every so often a teenager will cross the line that is so absolute that they need to see you become angry. For example, if they’ve been drinking and driving. I think it’s healthy and good for them to see a parent being angry in those limited instances.
AG: You write that a key ingredient to being a happier parent is putting your own needs first. Why is self-care is so essential?
KJD: Self-care isn’t just about getting a massage. If we look back to previous generations of parents, they weren’t choosing what’s for dinner based on their kids’ preferences. They weren’t choosing their weekend activities based on what their children preferred to do. Adults are adults, and we’ve worked really hard in life to get where we are. We earn the money. We pay the rent. We buy the food. And because of this, we deserve to come first when it comes to most decisions. It’s not good for kids to feel they’re all-important or that every decision is made for their pleasure or convenience. That’s not the teen you want to raise. If you parent that way, why would children ever want to become adults?
Image by: Samantha Lee/Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia
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Experts say the most important job you have as a parent is to show your children how to live a fulfilling, happy life. Nothing is more powerful than the behavior blueprint you give your kids to live their best life. [1]
Children closely mimic what they see from parents. If you smoke or abuse alcohol, studies show children grow up to do these same habits. Conversely, adults who maintain healthy self-esteem and cultivate healthy relationships raise children who are more likely to do so. [2]
As a parent, you know that maintaining a stellar mood and vibrant health isn’t always easy. In our fast-faster society, coping with life’s inevitable hurdles means putting how you feel and how you take care of yourself on the backburner. But those things can impact your children and adolescents more than you might realize.
Let’s say you’ve had a rough day at work. You come home and snap at your child for not cleaning up his room or doing her chores. Children experience their own stressors, and when you take out yours on them, that mood worsens their stress levels. [3]
Children Are Copy Cats
Children learn how to manage stress by observing your behavior. If you come home from work snappy, frazzled, and then veg out in front of the television, children are more likely to model that behavior.
Stress and Anger
Just like children feel certain things that are completely normal growing up, adults experience a wide range of uncomfortable emotions as parents, such as anger, embarrassment, and guilt.
The emotions themselves are neutral. How we respond – being conscious and stay in the moment rather than automatically reacting – can create a big impact on your children. [4]
During that emotion – when you catch yourself getting angry at your 14-year-old, for instance – you can catch yourself and reframe that feeling in a different way. Take a deep breath, give yourself a time-out, or do something unexpected like act silly or hug your teenager.
These things take time to develop, and you’re not going to always get them right. But consider the impact they create on your child when they see you handle frustration or stress with mindfulness and grace. Though it might seem subtle during the moment, those reactions impact your children into adulthood.
How you respond matters to impressionable children and adolescents, but so do other healthy habits such as how you eat and move. Researchers find that children of parents who are stressed out eat fast food more often, exercise less, and have higher obesity rates. [5]
Eating Habits
During the first five years of life, children learn many critical behaviors including how to eat. Research shows that how parents eat – the beliefs, attitudes, and practices surrounding food and eating – can significantly impact children for life. [6]
That healthy attitude carries into adolescence. About one-third of American early adolescents (10–14 years) are obese. Poor diet and physical inactivity play significant roles in obesity and chronic disease. [7]
Many adolescents in this age group eat about two-thirds of their food at home, making the home an important environment for healthy eating. Until children reach work age and can purchase their own food, you have primary say about what foods are allowed in your home (and which ones aren’t).
Just as with your mood, children and adolescents observe your eating behavior. If they see you scarfing down potato chips or cookies after work, they are more likely to model those habits. Conversely, eating a bowl of raw almonds or apple slices with almond butter can have a significant impact on their eating behavior.
Fitness
Healthy living extends into movement. Studies show when parents prioritize fitness, their children and especially adolescents are also more likely to do so. [8]
10 Ways to Support Your Child’s Happy, Healthy Life
If giving your children the gift of a healthy, happy life becomes the most important role you have as a parent, managing your health and mood can provide a solid playbook to help your children grow into the best version of themselves. These 10 strategies can help you do that better.
• Be honest.You can’t eliminate stress, but you can show your children how to better manage it. Acknowledging that stress exists and showing the right way to handle that stress — whether that means exercise, deep breathing, or putting the problem into perspective – becomes a better strategy than playing Pollyanna or bottling up that stress. [9]
• Create the right environment. You can be tough and kind with your children. Give them unconditional love within a safe environment, but foster self-discipline and respect toward themselves and others. [10] That balance will carry throughout life and help children be able to handle the criticism they will most likely from peers, instructors, and bosses.
• Show optimism.Research shows that 10-year-olds who learn to see the world optimistically are half as likely to struggle with depression during puberty. [11] Seeing life with optimism doesn’t require bottling up feelings or taking a naive approach. Problems will happen; things will fall apart. But approaching these things with a can-do attitude can help you better support your kids when life throws them curve balls.
Parent Informationteach To Be Happy Wishes
• Don’t overschedule.Jam-packed schedules can negatively impact your mood, your eating choices, and stop you from exercising. Showing up to your full potential means finding challenging, engaging activities and commitments without trying to do everything. Likewise, encourage your children to find things that really matter. That might mean nixing an extracurricular activity that doesn’t add value or teaching better strategies to manage their time.
• Prioritize sleep.Everything works better with quality, solid sleep. You think more clearly, make better eating decisions, and manage your mood more efficiently. Children get those same benefits. [12] When you practice good sleep and good sleep hygiene — turning off electronics, taking a hot bath — you become a powerful role model for young ones who might prefer screen time over getting sufficient sleep.
• Get moving. One of the best ways to manage stress and create an overall positive impact is with regular exercise. [13] Big movement counts like going to the gym or playing tennis, but the little things add up too. Park further from the grocery store entrance, walk or bike as much as you can, perform lunges on your way to the bathroom at work, and create time for family fitness.
• Schedule a family dinner at least once a week.Being together provides an excellent way to be a model of who you want your children to become, and a family meal becomes a great way to do that. Get everyone involved with the process. Keep the mood lively with fun music and pleasant conversation. At the meal, really focus your attention on what your children are thinking and feeling. A healthy meal and a positive mood make the perfect recipe for a happy, healthy child.
• Praise effort. Parents who overemphasize achievement can create high levels of depression, anxiety, and even substance abuse in children. [14] Instead of demanding perfectionism, inspire your children to be their best. When they’ve stepped up to the plate and attempted something challenging or new, give them praise.
• Balance work with mindful relaxation.Anxiety, stress, and worry can hijack health and happiness. Even when you don’t over-schedule, you might book too many appointments, work, and other commitments that you can’t entirely avoid. Balance those demands with active relaxation: A few minutes of meditation, yoga, mindfulness, or deep breathing can do wonders for your body and mind. Those same techniques can influence your children’s behavior. Being relaxed and focused helps everyone perform better.
• Acknowledge missteps.Everyone slips up. You can cultivate the right mood and still get irritated when your daughter leaves her clothes on the floor. You might have a stressful day and over-indulge in something sweet. Life happens, and showing kids how to roll with the punches can help them better cope. Whenever necessary, acknowledge your misstep, apologize or make amends if necessary, and discuss how you’ll work to not do it in the future. [15]
Parent Informationteach To Be Happy Birthday
Being a healthy, happy parent doesn’t just happen. Maintaining the right mood with a health-minded perspective requires effort and occasional forgiveness when you slip up. But the way you show up will profoundly impact your children both now and in the future.
Parent Informationteach To Be Happy Meme
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